BLOOD ORGY OF THE SHE-DEVILS

Director Ted Mikels' "Blood Orgy of the She-Devils"(1972). Cool title, huh? Sounds like the makings of a great b-film. Wrong. The title is very misleading. There is some blood, there is no orgy, and there are no she-devils. What you have instead is a low budget hodge-podge of a film about black magic and the occult. A subject like this in Ted V. Mikel's hands should have been a gold mine. If you are going into this movie expecting another warped masterpiece such as "The Corpsegrinders" or "The Astro-Zombies" you will be disappointed.

Here's "Blood Orgy of the She-Devils" in a nutshell. It is about Mara, a powerful witch who conducts seances and other such nonsense in her mansion. In this mansion lives her minions...I guess these are the 'she-devils'. They conduct ridiculous black masses and human sacrifices and the like, with some inexplicable, horribly choreographed dancing. Mara agrees to kill a diplomat for someone for money using black magic. She succeeds, and the people who planned the assassination decide to kill Mara because she knows too much about their operation and is too powerful to be left alive. They kill Mara and a few of her minions. Mara resurrects herself and seeks revenge on her killers. Eventually some do-gooders, practicers of white magic, find out what Mara is doing, and they have to drive out the demons that Mara has invoked in her mansion before all hell breaks loose.

Sounds like a decent plot, right? Maybe, but it is executed rather clumsily. This movie could have been condensed to thirty minutes and it would be ok. But it is packed with filler, haphazard scenes thrown together that make no sense and have little to do with the movie. The acting is worse than what you would usually expect. There is tons of screaming. "Blood Orgy of the She-Devils" seems like it could be a wild ride but it is not. With that being said, I still enjoyed this movie in a weird way. It's kinda fun to look at in all it's retro-cheese-occult grandeur. I enjoyed the ending. The last fifteen to twenty minutes is maddening, well worth putting up with the rest of the film.

Would I watch this movie again? Probably not. If you haven't seen any Ted V. Mikels before, steer clear of this one and watch "The Astro-Zombies", "Mark of the Astro-Zombies", and "Corpsegrinders 1&2". I recommend "Blood Orgy of the She-Devils" to die hard Ted V. Mikels fans and hardened b-movie fanatics only.

DIE YOU ZOMBIE BASTARDS!

Caleb Emerson’s “Die You Zombie Bastards!”(2005) is an insane gem of a B horror movie. Here's a word of warning...do not take this movie too seriously. You must keep your tongue firmly planted in cheek. If you are one of those that take your horror too seriously you had best look elsewhere. This movie is not for you. But if you are one of those like me that love your B-Movies and you miss the good old days of the 1960's and early '70's when they made'em raw and fun and they didn't give a darn about who was going to be offended, then “Die You Zombie Bastards!“ is for you!

Let's see.....how do I even begin to describe this one? It is like watching a movie made by Herschell Gordon Lewis, John Waters, Ted Mikels, and Russ Meyer all at the same time. It starts out with the legendary, one-of-a-kind country singer Hasil Adkins playing as himself sitting outside of his trailer, introducing the movie. He is preparing us for a strange tale, a very strange tale indeed. It seems that there are some unusual things going on at a place called Hell Island. The story centers around our heroes: Red Toole, your typical run-of-the-mill mild-mannered cannibalistic serial killer, and Violet, his sex-crazed human flesh-hungry wife. He loves to bring parts of his victims home so they can eat them and have wild sex. They love each other, and something is bound to come in their way, to try to pull them apart.

Enter our nemesis, the mysterious hooded Baron Nefarious, a mad scientist gone awry. He too is sex-crazed and he has a mission: to make the entire world an army of zombies that do his bidding...and he has a zombie ray to do it! Right now he just has a gun that shoots the ray, but his zombies on Hell Island are working on a machine that will soon zap the entire world! Nefarious needs lots of bizarre sex (there is almost too much juvenile sex humor in this movie and way too many penis site gags) so he kidnaps three hot blonds to become his sex toys and zaps them into zombiedom so they will do his bidding. So he has three green zombiefied sex slaves that run around in nothing but go-go boots and a g-string. He has it made, right?

Wrong. He needs a wife. Some one with a libido to match his, someone to be his partner in crime. So Nefarious is watching a hillbilly version of The Newlywed Game and he sees our loving couple on there. After the show is over the camera is still rolling and Violet is so worked up from all the whoopie talk that she attacks the game show host and begins to eat him alive! Nefarious wants her so off to Hell Island she goes.

Of course this doesn't bode well with her husband. He dons a skin-tight red super hero suit fashionably accessorised with a chest plate, penis, and cape all made from genuine human flesh! Find her he will. So begins Red Toole's maddening, sometimes irritating, always dada-esque quest to find Nefarious, destroy the zombie army, and get his wife back.

I can't tell you anymore about what happens next because that is the charm of the movie....what will they think of next? It will keep you guessing...you're in for one thrill-packed, exhilarating, cartoonish, wild ride of a movie!

Well what are you waiting for?

THE BRAIN THAT WOULDN'T DIE

THE BRAIN THAT WOULDN'T DIE. A b-movie masterpiece from 1962. This movie is filmed in stark black and white and is simultaneously creepy and hilarious throughout. It is about a mad scientist who is also a neuro surgeon whose girlfriend is decapitated in a car wreck. He preserves her head and goes on a quest to find the perfect body parts to rebuild her. Where else does he go to but the sleazy strip clubs of New Orleans to find his victims? We get to soak in the atmosphere of 1960's New Orleans burlesque as our mad scientist searches for that perfect female...but he can't seem to find her.

Jump cut back to the laboratory. The decapitated girlfriend's head is mad as hell, and she's gained telepathic powers. She's communicating with a thing in the closet. What is this monster? It seems that our mad scientist has had several failed experiments....

Jump cut back to New Orleans. Our man has finally found his woman...a beautiful art model who's face has been disfigured. But who cares about the face? He just needs her body...
So he seduces the model, takes her back to his place, drugs her up, and gets her ready for surgery.

But what about that thing in the closet? It has already killed his assistant... Revenge is sweet, isn't it? Watch as bloody havoc ensues and black and white blood sprays all over your TV screen! This movie is pretty gory for 1962.

Recommend only for those whose tongues are firmly implanted in their cheeks. I dig this movie!